Catch up with photos

The month of March blew by! Here are some photos to catch everyone up! (PS I posted these in reverse order!!)

Last weekend, my sweet husband and I traveled to Galveston for his band Joshua Experience to preform.

It was a quick trip-there and back within 14 hours! But, it was nice.

Thursday before our trip, my sweet and I had fun with my lil munchin!

She's sweet!

I was able to complete an adoption on the 21st in Houston. It was beautiful and special! This is a photo from the ceremony.

The weekend of the 16th, my sweet and I went to the GMA House Party for me to do a lil talk about my job. For old times sake, I had him take my picture on the camp sign. This is the camp I went to twice a year fro 3rd grade til 12th!

And...we started the month by going to a concert at the Meyerson in downtown Dallas.

In addition to all of this, we "squeezed" in a work day at my Grandma's for her birthday, a trip to Corpus and back (for my job!) and  went to buy me a new pair of glasses. I haven't had a new pair in about 7 years. I thought it was about time! (Photos to come when they come in!!)

Good month overall. Busy busy busy, but good!



Love, Mrs. M.

Thoughts on common sense

The month of September is a month of education for me. All together, at the end of this month, I will have sat through 39 hours of training through various conferences and professional training at my job. I will have learned about Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorders, Adopting an Older Child, Ways to Create Special Needs Ministries Within Your Church, The Neurochemistry of Fear, and many other topics. I will have traveled to Rockwall, Plano, and Round Rock for trainings.

Every July, my company does performance evaluations and at the end of the evaluation, you must indicate something (or things) you'd like to accomplish within the next year. This year, I said I would like to attend professional trainings to help me in my professional development. I guess you can say they took me seriously. In addition to these trainings, I'll have one in November for two days in Austin, and then each month the agency as a whole is doing a two hour training on a Wednesday morning about various topics.

On Monday of this past week, someone referred to a Social Work degree as a "common sense" degree. A degree which didn't require extensive study and hard work to complete. Knowing that the person saying this was indeed a Social Work Major in college, I asked her "Did someone tell you that". She said no, it was her own personal opinion. This has had me thinking- Is what I do common sense? Could a monkey really do my job (yes, someone has said this to me. A previous supervisor in fact once told me that a monkey could do my job).

Yesterday, I was finishing up lunch here on campus and a family who finalized their adoptions over the summer came in. Noticing the glum looks, I set out to investigate and hopefully cheer up my sweet family. Well, fast forward 4 hours and investigating I did, cheering up, I did not. During those four hours, I felt unprepared, ill-equipped, and out of my league. I speak most likely 3 1/2 of the 4 hours praying that God was using my words because I didn't even know what I was saying/doing at a couple of points. I struggled to recall my education- both pre and post degree- of how to relate to, communicate with, and love on hurting people. And it hit me. God's desire IS for social services and social work to be, in fact, COMMON SENSE. It's not some big secret that requires years of EDUCATION, but it does require an endless amount of EXPERIENCE and LOVE and COMPASSION to be an effective social services worker.

I think Jesus is a wonderful example of a social worker. When I think of His ministry which is detailed for us in the Gospels, I see the compassion He had for individuals and how despite some pretty unlovable and, in our religious society, condemnable, behaviors, He used his EXPERIENCE, LOVE AND COMPASSION to bring them to a better place, the best place, His place. At one of the trainings I have gone to, a wonderful professional and friend to adoptive families, Dr. Karyn Purvis, was speaking about this very idea. When talking about ways to change or "improve" a child's negative behaviors, Dr. Purvis talks about "parenting the heart of the child, not the behavior of the child". She used Jesus' ministry to demonstrate this. She talked about when Jesus spoke with the woman at the well and Zaccheous the tax collector. In both of these instances, Jesus knew/saw their sin AKA negative behaviors but didn't try to change them (the behaviors). He LOVED them (the person) and out of His love for them (the person), they were transformed. If we, as the body of Christ, are to be Jesus' hands, feet, heart, etc, wouldn't it stand to reason that if we LOVE first, we could and would see the same transformations Jesus saw? (To learn more about Dr. Purvis and her awesome work, click Here!

No, I'm not equating our ability to love with Jesus'. No, I'm not placing myself on the same level as Jesus. But Yes, I am saying, that by loving people they way Christ did, the common sense way, we can and WILL see the change we want.

I am not discrediting my degree. My degree opened my eyes to so many social injustices around me. I am thankful for the years I spent learning and studying social work. I am also not discrediting the 39 hours of training I'm receiving this month (and all the hours of training I'll complete in the future). Just as believers benefit from attending sermons and hearing how God is speaking to and through spiritual leaders (be it pastors, Sunday School teachers, etc), I believe as a social worker, I benefit from learning tips and techniques from those who have been involved in this work for years.

So tomorrow, as I leave for Round Rock at 5:30AM for my next two day training, I am going to be EXCITED and HOPEFUL about what wonderful truths and insights await me...ok, maybe I won't feel this way at 5:30am, but by the time I get to Round Rock three hours later, I'll feel this way... :) 

Love, Mrs. M.

EDITORS NOTE: Sorry for my almost two month hiatus. I hope at least someone has stuck around to read this! 

Thoughts on July

What a month July has been!!! I commented to my husband last night that I felt like I'd been on call for the past month....he quickly agreed. Three out of the five weekends this month, I've been on call. One weekend I was in Lubbock for a family reunion, and this weekend, well, it's been pretty great. Last night, when I got home from work, I sat on the couch, with my husband, and just sat. No TV. No music. No Talking. It was so peaceful. No phone ringing. No one needing me or asking me to do anything. Just quiet.

Typically, being On Call for my job entails of telling a few people they have the wrong number or asking them to try calling back because the office phone has rolled over to the oncall phone. This month, however, was much different. Much much different. Sorry to be vague. When my husband reads this, he'll be mad and think I shouldn't have said anything, because I'm not going into full detail. But I feel like I owe my readers (however few of you there may be) an explanation for my month long absence from blogging. So, the only explanation I have is: I was living kinda craziness this past month, and the thought of trying to be happy and bloggy at the end of a day seemed too much. I'm sorry to have been gone for so long.

Although on call has been crazy this month, good things have happened as well. Since July 1st, I've gone to court to finalize five different adoptions!! These days are definitely highlighted in yellow and pick a sticker on them kind of days for me. It's so cool to see these individuals walk into a court room and see them emerge a family. I know that technically, love and relationships make a family, but there's something about the legality of having an Adoption Decree to prove to each other, and the world, that we are a family. I think it's beautiful.

As I mentioned, my husband and I also went to my family reunion in Lubbock this past month. That was a L-O-N-G weekend. Overall, I'd say we had a good time. It was hot and uncomfortable at times, but nice to be in the company of those who love you. While there, I gave my niece a huge piece of watermelon. It was hilarious watching her eat and enjoy!!! Well, at least her Uncles and Aunts thought so...mommy and daddy weren't as impressed.

A tradition at our reunions is to work on a puzzle. It usually takes the whole weekend, but this year, thanks to my husband's mad skills (and my aunt and uncles!), we were able to finish not one, but TWO!! Now, the hubs is completely hooked and has already added quite a few puzzles to him amazon wish list!! Here are the fruits of our labor!

Lastly, my mother in law hosted a party this month to celebrate July/August birthday's and the fact that one of my husband's cousin's is home on leave from the Army. She is the queen of themed parties, and this time it was a luau. Here is a beautiful picture of my husband's grandmother who is 93 years old!!! She is so beautiful, and in this photo, festive!!!!





Hope you enjoyed catching up on my past month. I must be honest and say I'm 100% glad this is the end of July. I am ready for a new month. Happy end of July everyone!!! Here's praying that August is (for me) better then July!!!!

Love, Mrs. M.

Thoughts on the past month

Wow, I can't believe it's literally been a month since I posted something. I guess a lot has been going on. But then again, not a lot has been going on. I could fill volumes with things that go on in my life, both work and on personal levels, but I wanted to use this blog as an insight into the rare and exciting things I do. This past month has not had very many of those moments I guess. As I'm blogging, I'm going to use my Google calendar to assist me in filling you guys in. The lame thing is, when I opened my Google calendar, the only thing showing was my Bills calendar which shows me due dates for everything...that's uber lame in my opinion! Anywho, work has kept me on my toes lately. It kinda amazes me that I've been in my current position for one year, I've been at this agency for 3 1/2 years, and I've been a college graduate for 4 years. I was recently catching up with a friend who asked me if I thought I'd stay at TBH forever. Had she asked me a year ago, my answer would have been a no brainer : NO CHANCE. But, I'm now in a position that I absolutely love! Today, I realized it was 4:40 and I got kinda sad. Weird, I know, but I am L-O-V-I-N-G my job so much that I want to stay late, learn more, and work harder. Working with so many different families who are in so many different parts of their journey keeps me constantly wanting to be better at what I do FOR THEM. In recent months, I've found myself perusing the adoption section at Half Price Books looking for educational books FOR ME. I catch myself, when I'm trying to fall asleep, thinking about ways to encourage a family because the process is being stubborn or because the attachment is slower then "it should be", whatever that means. So, will I be at TBH forever, I don't know. I told a sweet friend this past Saturday, I want to be where the Lord wants me. If that's TBH, I'm OK with that. If that's somewhere else, I'm OK with that too.  

In just 13 short days, the hubs and I will mark our 1st anniversary of being married!! I also can't believe it's been a year since I held his hand and promised to be his wife. Just thinking about that day gives me butterflies and smiles. That day was truly the happiest of my life. Laughing, dancing, crying, laughing, kissing, and laughing some more. I never dreamed, per say, about my wedding day. I had ideas, but not dreams. Well, I did have a dream (who am I Martin Luther King??). My dream of my wedding day was that it was FUN. Above all else, I wanted it to be a fun party. And for me, it was. I mean, seriously, if this isn't the face of a woman having fun, I don't know what is!

Oh, how I'd do anything to have chosen a different wedding photographer. My one and only regret about the wedding....

Claire is growing like a weed. She's such a joy. About a month ago, I picked her up on my 1/2 day and she and I went to the Red Oak City Park. It was quite hot, so we only stayed about 45minutes. She is not a fan of walking alone in the grass...OK, she's not a fan of the grass, alone or not, but she DID find the woodchips quite interesting. See....

I always wonder what she's thinking...

Love, Mrs. M.

Thoughts on the beauty of my "job"

In North Texas last night, apparently, a large, destructive storm blew through. It knocked out power to many and left most without having to go to school. My agency was without power and therefore closed for the day. However, I had already planned to be in Cleburne all day celebrating the wonderful gift of adoption with one my families. Because of this, I did not have the day "off" as many of my co-workers did. I did, however not have to go at 8am. When I set my alarm, knowing I didn't need to leave my house until 9:30, I, geniusly, set my alarm, for 9:30. Oops. So, instead of leaving at 9:30 I left at 9:50 (post shower, blow dry, dressed, AND jewelry!). By the time I arrived at the office, to say I was frazzled is pretty much an understatement. I had to pick up an intern and all the items for the adoption ceremony and had to be in Cleburne at 11am. By God's grace, I made it with a little time to spare. After court, it was time to finish preparing for the ceremony that was to start at 4pm. At this point, I would like to share with you how much I love my job. Today, I was able to literally witness the creation of a new family. I saw three people who'd been living under the same roof for that past year and ahalf become a bona fide, legally bonded, Godly covenanted family.  It makes me tear up a little just thinking about the things I was allowed to witness today. I saw  a young lady, surrounded by people who love her, tell a judge "Yes, I want to be adopted" and "Yes, I want that to be my new name". I got to see this same little girls face literally light up when she saw her cake that had her new name on it. I was there when she called her adoptive father "dad" and say "Dad, carry me". It was absolutely beautiful.   During the adoption ceremony, we do two different activities. One, is to honor those who played a role in the adoption process (this is the candle lighting ceremony" and one, is used to show the creation of the new family (the water ceremony).


In the candle lighting ceremony, (seen here)

we light a candle to honor various members of the adoption process. It starts with the adoptive parents lighting a candle for the birth parents, then a candle is lit for the adoptive child, the adoptive family, any professionals the family wishes in include, and finally it finishes with a candle being lit honoring all the children who continue to wait for their forever family. This is a beautiful way to honor so many who worked so selflessly and nobeling for this child to have a forever family. 

In the water ceremony, (seen here)

we combine colored water for members of the adoption triad. In this ceremony, the yellow represented the birth family, the orange (it was pink in person) represented the adopted child, the purple represented the adoptive mother, and the green represented to adoptive father. I poured for the birth family, and each of the other members poured their own. At the end, it created a new color. A beautiful new color that was completely intricate with the other colors. No matter how you try, you can not separate the colors from each other. How beautiful  is that imagine in an adoption.

I love my "job". Even though, technically, today, I should have been "closed for business", I was able to be apart of a beautiful, moving, special, wonderful, and many other positive adjectives about my day. A big congrats to my family who completed their adoption today! My prayers will continue to follow you onto this next journey...parenting a pre-teen!!!!
 
Love, Mrs. M.

Thoughts on Adoption Stories

I am an adoption case manager. I have quite a few "soap box" topics that can get me riled up when it comes to this topic (just ask my husband). One of the ones that I perhaps have the strongest opinion about is letting a child decide who knows their story. I am a STRONG believer that it is not my right to tell your life story. It is your decision who knows, when they know, and how much they know. I was recently reading a blog of a friend who is in the process of adopting and they were sharing some very personal information on a child. It really ignited a passion in me. Then, today, I received an e-mail about an article that was written for a magazine called "Adoptive Families" that deals with this very topic.

Everyone wants to know the story of how we adopted three children from Ethiopia. But do I have a right not to tell it, being on the front line, looking as I do, a Caucasian mom with three African kiddos? May I take my children to the grocery store or the library without announcing where they came from, or my own history? I think, yes.

The word "story" has come into play many times since we began our adoption journey. When we started exploring interracial adoption, we were told by other parents that we would be shocked at how often people would ask about our children's backgrounds, effectively, their life stories.

"Telling strangers about my children's origins, their histories, and how we 'got them' is not obligatory. Stories belong to those who live them."

I couldn't believe that this would happen. After all, you wouldn't randomly knock on someone's door and ask them to tell you about their private traumas and personal struggles. We were advised to say, "That is private information," or "That is my child's story to tell when he/she is ready," or "None of your business." I have used all of these responses.

Not a week goes by during which I am not asked if my children's parents are dead, if they are orphans, whether they are "related," if they are "mine," whether they suffered starvation or abuse, and how long they were in an orphanage. I am asked all these questions and more, and, while I have grown weary of them, I try not to be offended. I know that my children's stories are compelling. Mine is, as well. Most people don't adopt three children from Ethiopia at the same time. And we are a sight because we are a multiracial family.

While I believe that educating people, enlarging the circle, rather than closing it, is ultimately best for the world, I am secretive about my children's personal stories. Intimacies are for close friends and close relatives, and, even then, there are boundaries. I have found that, at least for now, there is no way to tell my own story without breaking promises that I made when I decided to adopt my children. Telling strangers about their origins, their histories, their relationship to each other, and how we "got them" is not obligatory. Stories belong to those who live them. I usually say what they told us to say in Adoption 101: There are many children who need homes in Ethiopia, and each of them has a different story.

But there are stories I am willing to share.

Ethiopia carries a lot of baggage—poverty, orphans, AIDS—you will see all of this if you travel there. My husband took beautiful, heart-wrenching photographs while we were there, but I'm not sure that the world needs to see more of them. Maybe that's why I talk about the beauty of Ethiopia that no one knows about. You have a good conversation, you are kind, you share a bit about your life, you show you are a good person, and someone wants to give you what little food there is, to hand-feed you. It is an act of love and one of the most meaningful gifts a person can give to another person. This is what I experienced first-hand.

I will also tell you that my eldest daughter has warmth in her eyes. You can feel it when she smiles. At 10 years old, she says that she wants to be a writer, like her mom. Maybe one day she will write the stories of her life.

As every mom does, I promised to protect all of my children—I guard their lives, their pasts, and their futures. It is my most important obligation. So I'll be cagey, secretive, boring. But my children happily show up to birthday parties, soccer games, and campouts. They can stand on their own, and they are happy to engage and make people fall in love with them. After that happens, curiously, people stop asking to know their story.
If you are considering adoption or have adopted, I hope this encourages you to look at your child's story in a different way. If you a member of the adoption triad,  I hope this helps you see how some adoptive families feel about their child's history. My supervisor is all about us educating those around us about the intricacies of adoption. It truly is a different culture all in itself.

Love, Mrs. M.